📞 Contact the Third Responders™
Need to report a violation? Want to join our elite team? Have questions about our services? We’re here to serve and protect our community.
đź“… Appointment System
By Appointment Only
All contact with the Third Responders™ must be scheduled in advance. No walk-ins, no phone calls, no exceptions.
📧 How to Schedule
Step 1: Send written request via mail
Step 2: Include detailed reason for meeting
Step 3: Wait for written response (2-4 weeks)
Step 4: Attend 3-minute appointment
⏰ Appointment Hours
Weekdays Only: 8:15 AM – 10:14 AM
Duration: Exactly 3 minutes
Location: Bob Henderson’s Garage
Dress Code: Business casual required
đź“ť Mail all appointment requests to: 123 Security Drive, East Mountain West View, CA 90210
🚨 Emergency Procedures
For TRUE Emergencies Only
In case of a TRUE emergency (open garage door over 30 minutes, unlicensed lemonade stand, or sidewalk chalk exceeding 12 square feet), use the following procedures:
📧 Email Emergency
Email: emergency@ewmv.com
Subject: “EMERGENCY – [Violation Type]”
Include: Photos, location, time
đź“ť Written Report
Form: HOA Emergency Form 911-A
Delivery: Hand-deliver to garage
Response: 24-48 hours
⚠️ FALSE EMERGENCY REPORTS WILL RESULT IN FINES ⚠️
đź“‹ How to Report Violations
🚨 Emergency Violations
Method: Email emergency@ewmv.com
- • Open garage doors (over 30 minutes)
- • Unlicensed lemonade operations
- • Sidewalk chalk exceeding 12 sq ft
- • Suspicious package deliveries
- • Teens in cargo shorts (winter)
đź“ť Non-Emergency Violations
Method: Written report via mail
- • Wind chime noise complaints
- • Garden hose coiling violations
- • Garage sale permit issues
- • Out-of-state license plates
- • Unauthorized drone activity
📧 General Inquiries
Email: security@ewmv.com
- • Service requests
- • Membership applications
- • Policy questions
- • Complaint submissions
- • General information
👥 Join the Third Responders™
Membership Requirements
Basic Requirements
- • Must be 18+ years old
- • Clean criminal record
- • Valid driver’s license
- • Community resident (preferred)
- • Commitment to justice
Training Requirements
- • Clipboard Defense Tactics (CDT)
- • Golf Cart Pursuit Maneuvers (GCPM)
- • Eyeball Interrogation Techniques
- • Fence Line Surveillance™
- • HOA Bylaw Certification
Application Process
- • Submit written application
- • 90-day probationary period
- • Supervised patrol duties
- • Performance evaluation
- • Final certification exam
🏢 Office Hours & Location
đź“Ť Headquarters
Address:
123 Security Drive
East Mountain West View, CA 90210
Building: Bob Henderson’s Garage
Access: Ring doorbell, show ID
đź“… Appointment Hours
Weekdays Only: 8:15 AM – 10:14 AM
Duration: Exactly 3 minutes
Weekends: Closed
Holidays: Closed
đźš— Patrol Vehicle
Vehicle: EZ-Go Lancer 500 Series
Color: White with amber lights
Identification: “SECURITY” on sides
Officer: Rotating team members
⚠️ Important Notice
All contact with the Third Responders™ must be scheduled in advance. No phone calls, no walk-ins, no exceptions. Appointments are limited to 3 minutes and are only available weekdays from 8:15 AM to 10:14 AM.
“First in Spirit, Last in Jurisdiction” — The Third Responders™